Soon To Be Classics

Friday, December 29, 2006

The New Mac Ad

Mac: Hi, I'm a Mac.

PC: And I'm a PC.

Mac: Man, it's going to be a tough year for me.

PC: Why's that Mac?

Mac: Well, the Securities and Exchange Commission just caught

Apple Corporation falsifying documents about board meetings that never happened, where we gave Steve Jobs 7.5 Million in stock options without authorization.

PC: Wow. Why would you guys have done that?

Mac: Well, it's called "stock option backdating". Basically, it's how we give away worthless stock and then when it rises in value we
cook the books a bit and make it look better.

PC: Man. Sounds like you're fucked.

Mac: Tell me about it.

PC: So what happens now?

Mac: Well, lots of executives are resigning and probably heading for
third world nations. Hey, you're pretty good at business stuff, right? Can you change the dates in some Outlook calendars or adjust the formulas in Excel to get me off the hook? I tried making some movies and music files but the SEC wasn't impressed.

PC: Sorry Mac. I wish I could help you out know.

Mac: Well, then I guess it's prison for me. One last hug for old time's sake?

PC: Of course. I'm moving on though. They're getting me a green suit and a video game controller and renaming me XBox. There's a guy from Sony in the lobby.

Mac: Oh. I didn't realize I could be replaced so easily.

PC: Well, that's the only way to upgrade a Mac. But that's not important now.

Mac: Any advice...*sniff*...*sniff*...for prison?

PC: Just bend over when they tell you. It'll go easier that way.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Wrong Side Of The Pond


Season 2 (or 29?) of Doctor Who has officially ended here in the States, and I have to say that I have enjoyed it. Resisting the Internet spoilers, I was pleasantly surprised that the "death of Rose Tyler" was handled appropriately for a major character. The episode ended with a certain sense of a "reset" where the Doctor pretty much left things better than they were before. Rose's family was restored, her life was richer for meeting him, and Mickey got his girl back. All in all, a very nice bookend to the two years that were less about the Doctor than about Rose. I can't wait for the next season.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

DOOM, Part Deux

Quick update:

I'm in the Twin Cities right now for the holiday, and their first winter storm is bearing down.

People are now requesting I don't come to their cities. I'm sure that's only because I'm the Flying Dutchman of Disaster.


Sunday, December 17, 2006

I Am The Harbinger Of Doom

Here's the last few years of my life in a nutshell.

I move from Ohio to Virginia Beach, VA. Within 4 months, the first Hurricane (Isabelle) to score a direct hit on the Hampton Roads area hits.

Two years later, I move to the Seattle area. Since I have been here there has been:

  • Record rainfall last year.
  • The rainiest November EVER this year.
  • A record ice storm causing the worst traffic jams in Seattle history a few weeks back.
  • The worst wind storm in Seattle history on Thursday night.
We lost power for almost a day. There are still hundreds of thousands without power and there are trees laying in the roads, sidewalks, driveways, etc. everywhere.

It's just freaking crazy.

Hence, I'm officiall going on record now to say I'm going to cause either an earthquake (which I'm sure will be the worst on record) or a volcano (which will cause the west coast to fall into the sea) within the next couple of months.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

You Can Make Anything Into A Movie

I'm not being sarcastic, I'm really not. I laughed my ass off when this popped up on my screen. And yes, this is a real movie that is in development. Will I see it? Doubtful, unless the trailer makes me laugh as hard as this did. Am I working to hard and just losing it? Most certainly.

Friday, December 08, 2006

The Sincerest Form of Flattery

This is a little entry for the former co-workers from "The Company". I got this solicitation today for the upcoming Stargate TCG.

Man, this certainly looks like something I've seen, played, and worked on before.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

An Inconvenient Ruth

I meant to post about this earlier but I finally got the time to do so.

Last Monday, we had some really nasty winter weather roll into the upper Northwest. As a former Clevelander, it was nothing to me. However, it absolutely paralyzed the Seattle area. This is basically for three reasons:

1) No one here knows how to drive in snow and ice.
2) A LOT of people live on top of hills and mountains.
3) There are roughly 17 snow plows / salt trucks for the entirety of King County (which is where most of the cities include Seattle reside).

So here's the story. We started hearing about the storm early in the day. Unfortunately, we couldn't get out of work because one of the carpoolers was behind. We finally left about 5pm. By that time, the snow was really coming down. We hit the highway and got through I-90 ok and then onto 405-S. That started getting really congested around the first of two exits we could take to get home. We opted to take the first exit and that proved a fatal mistake. It literally took us about 3 hours to go roughly 2 miles through downtown Renton. At one point, I literally got out of the car and walked about a mile ahead to see if cars were getting up the hill. (If they weren't, there was no reason to stay in that traffic.) One of the ladies I carpool with was determined we were getting home, the other was panicky and wanted to just get a hotel room. Me, I was just being surprisingly light-hearted about the whole affair. Finally, I took the wheel from the owner of the car as I was the only one who could drive in snow.

The weird part about all of this is how the populace reacted. First, traffic laws went right out the window. It was the wild west out there and we saw one cop in 5 hours. Myself, I fudged a couple of times but I doubt there was anyone who cared. The other oddity, is that people were literally abandoning their cards IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INTERSTATE AND SIDE ROADS and walking away. It had a very weird "end of the world" look to it as large groups of people were just walking around with cars littered around the roadway. A fella I work with said the hill leading up to his house had 55 abandoned cars at the bottom.

At the end of the day, literally, it took us almost 5 hours to go 20 miles. Now this was happening in the middle of Monday Night Football so the 65,000 Seahawks fans had no idea what was happening with the roads until the game ended. Many of those people didn't get home until the next morning because, and I am NOT making this up, they were stopped in traffic on the highway to the point where TV crews were walking between the cars taping people who were sound asleep at their steering wheel.

Our street never got salted or plowed nor did the previous two streets leading to my house. The first of those two is a major street, with several very steep hills and two schools on it.

They kept saying that this was the kind of collective weather happening that will become legend in this area, and I don't doubt it. It was kind of fun while it was going on only for the sheer lunacy it inspired.

Oh, and my title? Our European rep, Ruth, picked this last week to come visit. With most of the office out, I'm not sure it was as productive as it could have been.