Why I Dislike Tom Cruise

I'm in a quandry.

The latest version of H.G. Welles' War of the Worlds (and yet, not one bears any resemblance to the original source material) comes out this week. Tom (Xenu will save me) Cruise stars as a loser who needs an extinction-level event to prove he's a good father to his daughter, the adorable Dakota Fanning. (There's a Supernanny episode I'd love to see!)

Anyway, there's lots of things exploding and such, evil aliens (didn't Spielberg once say he would NEVER feature evil aliens?) and more importantly, the END OF THE WORLD. I love those movies. Movies that feature how man handles the end of our "dominance" have always fascinated me. Deep Impact, Armeggeddon, even The Stand are all pretty good examples of the come-uppance that man so richly deserves.

So War of the Worlds opens on Wednesday. To get to all the good blow-uppity stuff, I have to sit through another wooden performance by Tom (Xenu will save me) Cruise. At least it will be the longest stretch of film we've seen him in lately when he's not jumping on a couch proclaiming his love to Katie (the only thing in Batman Begins that sucked) Holmes. Why I dislike him really boils down to his idiot religion (cult).

I had a cult try to recruit me once, back in college. I was studying in the Ohio Union on the Ohio State University campus late one night. The shops had already closed and there was just a handful of people in this large seating area. A young man walked up to me and asked me if Jesus was my savoir. I said "sure" and went back to my studies. He pressed and began talking about eternal damnation, the fires of hell, dogs and cats living together, the return of the Pips, and other signs of the apocalypse. I politely asked him to leave me to my studies. He then told me that his "friends" had a bus right out front and they were inviting me to "join them on the bus". (Side note, I will hear this phrase later in life. 5 points if you've heard it too.) Sure enough, there WAS a large motor coach parked outside.

The guy then began pressing me harder. I was to leave all of my possessions right there on the table, leave school, my friends and family and join him and his friends. I told him one last time "no" and was getting a little frightened by this time. I looked around to see if he had any friends nearby but didn't see anyone but a few couples at other tables on the other side of the room. He then put his hand on my arm and told me to "c'mon, let's go". I'm not a violent person per say and haven't been in a lot of fights but a combination of fear and anger caused me to, for the first and only time in my life, tell a total stranger that if he didn't remove his arm and leave me alone I was going to pound him into a "bloody smear".

This jerk then began with his higher pitched "you're going to hell" nonsense and walked away from me. I guess I must have cost him a commission or something. I gathered up my stuff and quickly went back to my room, never taking my eyes off that fucking bus.

So how does this relate to Tom (Xenu will save me) Cruise? Anytime I hear of anyone that tries to foist their cult bullshit on another, I think back to that jerk I met when I was 18 years old. That is how I see Cruise, Travolta, Kelly Preston, Catherine Bell, and a host of other Hollywood celebs that subscribe to this nonsense. Read deep on their cult and you'll see how people have been hurt.

Maybe the aliens can't come soon enough. Or maybe, as the movie poster states, they're already here.