The Penthouse Letters Universe
I believe I actually stepped into the Penthouse Letters Universe today at lunch.
For those unitiated few that don't know about this realm of delight and mystery, the Penthouse Letters Universe is where people who write letters that begin "..I never thought it would happen to me, but..." live. Essentially, it is a fantasy realm where busty librarians, bodacious bank clerks, and hot female pizza delivery girls will drop to their knees at the snap of a finger.
But I digress.
After a bite of lunch today I had some time to kill before returning to the office. I opted to wander over to MacArthur mall and check on the latest video game releases that I will never buy, much less actually play. (Damn you World of Warcraft!!)
As I walked in, I noticed immediately that the pimply-faced, gel-haired, "doode" that usually works there was replaced by a rather busty, and attractive blonde lady in an unbuttoned white shirt and tight black skirt. She looked up and smiled at me, asking me how I was. I never thought this would happen to me.
From the back of the store, another blonde woman walked out asking what a good role-playing console game might be. She said she enjoys fantasy but doesn't like the blood and gore. The two women then got into a discussion about Kingdom Hearts (?), the Disney RPG for the Playstation 2. Behind the counter blonde really loved the game for the gameplay and RPG elements while customer blonde was genuinely interested as it didn't sound bloody. I never thought this would happen to me.
Another lady walked out from the back as well, just browsing the shelves. She was not blonde, or good looking, but it really just made the other two even hotter. (Think back to the effect that you get when a pretty girl always invites her homely friend out to the bars. The pretty girl gets better looking instantly by default.)
It then dawned on me that I was standing in Electronics Boutique, during the summer, in the middle of the day, in a mall, and I was the only male in the store.
I never thought it would happen to me, but there you have it.
Blonde #2 then left, sans purchase. Blonde #1 asked me if I had played "Destroy All Humans" and how much fun she had playing that game on her console. To me, the exchange roughly translated this way.
Blonde #1: I would really enjoy playing with your joystick.
Me: Errr...no, I play World of Warcraft. (Thought: Idiot!!)
Blonde #1: Ok, well you might want to try Advent Rising. (This translated as: Loser, begone from my store before I beat you with a pair of Drum Master Sticks.)
I looked at my watch and realized it was time to get back to work. I thanked her for berating me and quickly left. I believe the third lady was calling the police by this time.
I never thought it would happen to me.
For those unitiated few that don't know about this realm of delight and mystery, the Penthouse Letters Universe is where people who write letters that begin "..I never thought it would happen to me, but..." live. Essentially, it is a fantasy realm where busty librarians, bodacious bank clerks, and hot female pizza delivery girls will drop to their knees at the snap of a finger.
But I digress.
After a bite of lunch today I had some time to kill before returning to the office. I opted to wander over to MacArthur mall and check on the latest video game releases that I will never buy, much less actually play. (Damn you World of Warcraft!!)
As I walked in, I noticed immediately that the pimply-faced, gel-haired, "doode" that usually works there was replaced by a rather busty, and attractive blonde lady in an unbuttoned white shirt and tight black skirt. She looked up and smiled at me, asking me how I was. I never thought this would happen to me.
From the back of the store, another blonde woman walked out asking what a good role-playing console game might be. She said she enjoys fantasy but doesn't like the blood and gore. The two women then got into a discussion about Kingdom Hearts (?), the Disney RPG for the Playstation 2. Behind the counter blonde really loved the game for the gameplay and RPG elements while customer blonde was genuinely interested as it didn't sound bloody. I never thought this would happen to me.
Another lady walked out from the back as well, just browsing the shelves. She was not blonde, or good looking, but it really just made the other two even hotter. (Think back to the effect that you get when a pretty girl always invites her homely friend out to the bars. The pretty girl gets better looking instantly by default.)
It then dawned on me that I was standing in Electronics Boutique, during the summer, in the middle of the day, in a mall, and I was the only male in the store.
I never thought it would happen to me, but there you have it.
Blonde #2 then left, sans purchase. Blonde #1 asked me if I had played "Destroy All Humans" and how much fun she had playing that game on her console. To me, the exchange roughly translated this way.
Blonde #1: I would really enjoy playing with your joystick.
Me: Errr...no, I play World of Warcraft. (Thought: Idiot!!)
Blonde #1: Ok, well you might want to try Advent Rising. (This translated as: Loser, begone from my store before I beat you with a pair of Drum Master Sticks.)
I looked at my watch and realized it was time to get back to work. I thanked her for berating me and quickly left. I believe the third lady was calling the police by this time.
I never thought it would happen to me.
posted by Mkae at
10:12 AM
3 Comments:
You can never go back there.
By
Tom, at 9:02 PM
Write that up and send it to Penthouse. That's good stuff there. In fact, I already don't believe it, so that's a good start.
By
Shocho, at 4:34 AM
It must be something in the summer air! (catch the end of my post entitled "What a Bunch of Cox"...)
By
Aussie-Askew, at 10:18 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home