We Hope You Had The Time Of Your Life
My wife and I were waxing poetic last night about the relationships and friendships you make in your life. Case in point, was a lovely couple that were our neighbors back in Ohio. This couple, Chuck and Kathy, were in their mid-50's so they had about 20 years on Jen and I. When they moved in across the street, I told Jen to "bake something". Jen thought I was insane and told me that "no one ever did that anymore". We did it anyway.
Unannounced, we waltzed over one night with cake in tow. Both were taken aback and genuinely surprised that neighbors "still did that", especially a younger couple such as ourselves. After two hours of cake, coffee and conversations, we became fast friends. Over a year and a half, we attended each other's holiday celebrations, exchanged gifts, helped with yard work, etc. Better friends we'd never find.
Then we had to move to Norfolk and we said we'd "stay in touch". Despite the reality that no one ever does, we called them several times, sent letters and pictures and did what we could. Eventually, they didn't return the call and we pretty much wrote it off as done.
To me, that leaves a hole. I always believed that once you make a friend, you have that friend for life. Jen had a different take on it and last night told me that maybe friends weren't meant to be anchors that drag you down as you move through life. Instead, they're meant to be there and enhance the times of your life your with them. When you move on, they (and you) have done their job. You'll make new friends that will also fill that role. Instead of trying to hold onto the previous people you loved, their roles will be filled. The metaphor is mine but that's what she was saying. I learned this last year without realizing it, when I was able to track down my childhood best friend and spend dinner and an evening with him. It wasn't the same, and we haven't called each other since.
So as we all face the inevitable point where we "move on", maybe it's easier when you look at your friends and thank and love them for what they were to you and not dwell on what they can't offer you in the future.
Unannounced, we waltzed over one night with cake in tow. Both were taken aback and genuinely surprised that neighbors "still did that", especially a younger couple such as ourselves. After two hours of cake, coffee and conversations, we became fast friends. Over a year and a half, we attended each other's holiday celebrations, exchanged gifts, helped with yard work, etc. Better friends we'd never find.
Then we had to move to Norfolk and we said we'd "stay in touch". Despite the reality that no one ever does, we called them several times, sent letters and pictures and did what we could. Eventually, they didn't return the call and we pretty much wrote it off as done.
To me, that leaves a hole. I always believed that once you make a friend, you have that friend for life. Jen had a different take on it and last night told me that maybe friends weren't meant to be anchors that drag you down as you move through life. Instead, they're meant to be there and enhance the times of your life your with them. When you move on, they (and you) have done their job. You'll make new friends that will also fill that role. Instead of trying to hold onto the previous people you loved, their roles will be filled. The metaphor is mine but that's what she was saying. I learned this last year without realizing it, when I was able to track down my childhood best friend and spend dinner and an evening with him. It wasn't the same, and we haven't called each other since.
So as we all face the inevitable point where we "move on", maybe it's easier when you look at your friends and thank and love them for what they were to you and not dwell on what they can't offer you in the future.
posted by Mkae at
10:30 AM
4 Comments:
I think the reality is somewhere between your long-held belief and Jen's take on it. Some -- perhaps most -- relationships can't survive separation. But a few true friendships do.
My mother had a close friend in our small hometown in Maine, who moved to California in the late 1950s, near as I recall. They kept in touch, corresponding regularly, for over 30 years, until my mother passed away in 1993.
For myself, I've stayed in touch with a college friend and roommate since I graduated in 1972. Years would go by without seeing each other, and our contacts were largely letters exchanged at Christmas, yet on the rare occasions when we were able to get together, we could pick up as though it had only been since last week.
In this hyper-mobile age, it's rare for both parties to a friendship to stay in the same place for many years. But moving on does not necessarily have to mean letting go of a friendship. The nature of the friendship may change -- almost has to -- but that doesn't make it less of a friendship.
By
Major Rakal, at 12:43 PM
Funny thing is with all of this instant communication tech we have at our fingertips, I still have friends that only e-mail once a year, evetn when I say hello on AIM or YAHOO chat......we also have friends that only contact us when they get a raise or a new house (grin).
By
Roycer, at 9:48 PM
Being very locationally dislocated from my oldest and dearest friends, and not being the most regular of communicators, I now realize that your true friends often aren't in communication with you – until you need them.
By
Aussie-Askew, at 10:13 PM
Since this is an archived entry, I don't know if you'll see this, Mark, but since I just e-mailed you yesterday for the first time in almost a year, this entry struck a chord.
I have gone to school with, worked with and lived next to some wonderful people in my 31 years. Some of them I talk to regularly, some sporadically and some I may be lucky if we bump into each other at the Colony Square Mall. For me, seeing or hearing from these people is pure joy. Usually, I am the initiator. If I get the feeling that the other person is just being polite, then I back off and don't contact them again. Most of the time, though, they appreciate that I took the time to get in touch.
Jen does have a point: you have to move forward. My departure from the radio station was so painful. I may have been a pain in a lot of asses, but I truly believe that a certain core group of us made a good team. We did our jobs very well, but we also had a lot of fun. When I think of all the fun times: stories, jokes, events, remotes, etc, I can't help but smile. However, depending on my mood, a hilarious story about Mark leads me to rotten memories from higher up the management chain. When that happens I gain the ability to do the nearest person some serious bodily harm. So then should I not think about Mark or e-mail him anymore? I don't think so. I think I should work more at letting go of the bitterness and appreciate where I am now and the people who made the journey so much fun.
-Joey's Mom
By
Anonymous, at 8:07 PM
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