How The World Is Trying To Kill You
There are many fun things to do when you move to a new area. New malls, new roads, new restaurants, that sort of thing.
But there's nothing truly more exciting than learning the ways this new area will kill you.
When I moved my family to Virginia Beach, one of my first questions involved hurricanes. I've been through (literally) dozens of tornadoes living in the midwest but never a hurricane. "Never happens here", they said. Then Hurricane Isabell hit a few months later. I remembered that person while sitting with my pregnant wife in a Red Cross shelter.
So after moving to the Seattle area, I again wondered "what will kill me here"?
- Earthquakes - Check. A lot of people here talk about "the big one" but apparantly they're referring to the 54oz latte at Starbucks.
- Floods - Possible. But I live on the side of a mountain of some sort and am several hundred feet up in elevation and the ocean does seem to be a ways away.
- Bear attacks. Yep. They have bears here. Some guy just got a scalp transplant after having a run-in with Smokey.
- Rock slides?? This one I didn't expect. Over the weekend, three women were driving down I-90 (a road I used to take in Ohio to go to Cedar Point amusment park) when a giant slab of granite the size of...well...a giant slab of granite, slid down the mountainside and crushed them.
They quickly called in engineers to analyze the site. Traffic was backed up for about 14 hours. The real danger of which meant 13.75 hours for these people without their Starbucks fix.
The engineers finally deemed the site safe and the road was reopened. The NEXT DAY, in the SAME SPOT, another sheet of granite the size of...well...a slightly smaller sheet, slid down the mountainside and crushed a squirrel who put too much faith in engineers.
The last thing I think about while driving to work is the earth cracking below me or rocks raining down on me. I guess it's time to start.
But there's nothing truly more exciting than learning the ways this new area will kill you.
When I moved my family to Virginia Beach, one of my first questions involved hurricanes. I've been through (literally) dozens of tornadoes living in the midwest but never a hurricane. "Never happens here", they said. Then Hurricane Isabell hit a few months later. I remembered that person while sitting with my pregnant wife in a Red Cross shelter.
So after moving to the Seattle area, I again wondered "what will kill me here"?
- Earthquakes - Check. A lot of people here talk about "the big one" but apparantly they're referring to the 54oz latte at Starbucks.
- Floods - Possible. But I live on the side of a mountain of some sort and am several hundred feet up in elevation and the ocean does seem to be a ways away.
- Bear attacks. Yep. They have bears here. Some guy just got a scalp transplant after having a run-in with Smokey.
- Rock slides?? This one I didn't expect. Over the weekend, three women were driving down I-90 (a road I used to take in Ohio to go to Cedar Point amusment park) when a giant slab of granite the size of...well...a giant slab of granite, slid down the mountainside and crushed them.
They quickly called in engineers to analyze the site. Traffic was backed up for about 14 hours. The real danger of which meant 13.75 hours for these people without their Starbucks fix.
The engineers finally deemed the site safe and the road was reopened. The NEXT DAY, in the SAME SPOT, another sheet of granite the size of...well...a slightly smaller sheet, slid down the mountainside and crushed a squirrel who put too much faith in engineers.
The last thing I think about while driving to work is the earth cracking below me or rocks raining down on me. I guess it's time to start.
posted by Mkae at
6:45 AM
10 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
By
Admin, at 6:52 AM
I have to say, that neither "malls" nor "roads" would count amongst my top 3 fun things to explore in a new area. ;)
Rockslides are right up there though!
By
Aussie-Askew, at 7:30 AM
It's just something you'll have to get used to. Rockslides happen many times a year - although they rarely ever seem to kill people so this example was a fluke. They do cause massive traffic nightmares though.
BTW, your profile still says East Coast. Are you still in denial, or what?
By
Michael J. Hercus, at 12:26 PM
You missed one possible means of fatality:
Not being exposed to the sun for 2+ months...
The whole latte thing is a legitimate compensation for lack of sunlight. If you live near Seatle long enough you might get used to it, but I have spent weeks there and never seen the sun until getting on the other side of the Cascades... It is damned depressing.
Anyway, given all that (no sun and rockslides included) I still would rather be there than here. =/
By
BubbaJoe, at 12:27 PM
Ack. I forgot about volcanoes. I also forgot Bigfoot. And apparantly bad sushi is a danger here as well. I also pushed a stroller with two kids up a hill tonight and that damn near killed me.
By
Mkae, at 9:56 PM
Don't forget all the bleeding-heart liberals out there on the Left Coast... very dangerous for your health. Pin one of those "awareness ribbons" to your jacket and viola: you're undercover!
By
thisismarcus, at 10:34 PM
Stop baiting me Marcus!! :)
By
Mkae, at 6:31 AM
He heh. You know I'm just teasing, right? I always appreciated the fact you and I are miles apart politically but it never got personal beyond that. The mark of two gentlemen, if I do say so myself :)
By
thisismarcus, at 7:34 AM
Yep, I would say the liberals would be the biggest danger I can think of....
By
Roycer, at 10:11 AM
In Fremont, a 'burb of Seattle, they have placed a nine foot tall statue of Lenin. That's exactly how the politics go in this area.
So yeah Royce, you said it.
By
Mkae, at 9:58 PM
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