Terrorism Is Real - I Have Proof

My good friend Shocho once said that Terrorism was a farce and we should be more concerned about peanut allergies. Well I'm saddened to report that terrorists are indeed real and I have proof.

The following news story hit the news media today informing us that 7 NFL football stadiums would be targets for "dirty bombs" (low grade conventional bombs that scatter radioactive materals) and that hundreds of thousands of Americans would die. This was mostly dismissed as a hoax by some crackpot. However, I am convinced it was a threat by an actual foreign terrorist. Here's my logic:

1) Terrorists want to kill Americans.
2) Terrorists want to kill LOTS of Americans.
3) Terrorists would love to target football games because LOTS of Americans go there.
4) Cleveland Stadium, home of the Browns, was specifically mentioned as one of the targets.

You see where the "hoax" argument breaks down?

Everyone in the U.S. knows that the Browns totally suck this year. No one is going to the games. Should a dirty bomb go off in Cleveland Staduim this Sunday, we'd lose 14 hot dog vendors, 5 beer guys, a parking attendant and "Big Dog". Also, the Cuyahoga River actually caught fire back in the 70's so a dirty bomb can't possibly do anymore damage.

That's proof that whoever made this threat is NOT from the U.S. That makes the list of suspects very short indeed. I have it narrowed down to Islamic Terrorists, Kim Jong-Il, and General Zod.

Remember the old WWII movies where they would always ask suspected foreign spies "who won the World Series last year"? Today, the way to spot a terrorist is to ask them who the worst team in the NFL is. Naturally, they'll say "the Cubs".

Be afraid folks. I fear the worst is coming. I wonder though, if Cleveland is ahead when the bomb goes off, does that count as a win?